i have suicidal thoughts, i am extremely depressed, i think i am bipolar too. the way my mood changes through over the week even through out the day. im very apathetic. i have a low self esteem, i hate being around people most of the time, i avoid people. im a different person everyday. its like i have three personalities. i am three people. i have prayed to god for help for years, and he as done nothing. i think this is way i believe God isn’t real, this is the reason my problems with him started. He is not in the sky, he does not exist at all. it sucks praying to him and getting nothing , no type of response when you need it the most. i have thought on dying almost everyday. i dont see a reason to be here. im here because i love playing videogames, i love music, i love reading books. i love adventure time, south park, family guy. its like i start my day sad as fuck, i tell myself to relax and through out the day with a lot of effort i motivate myself and tell my self to be happy, to calm the fuck down. but its like as soon as i got to sleep and wake up i restart the next day, none of those happy feelings i worked to attain the day before are there. its annoying and stupid. and i hate it.
So its coming to an end, this wonderful and crazy semester. It has had its ups and downs, more downs than ups in my opinion. But i have grown into a different person over these four months. i have mature a lot, though still lazy and still can’t beat procrastination in a fight. but i have matured, and i have a higher sense of responsibility. I have realized that handwork does pay off, and i have realized that college is an investment.